I simply completed the process of perusing "Drink" by Ann Dowsett Johnston. I am 47 years old. Within me I know I am disorganised, and in a mess but on the outside, I try to appear composed and cheerful.
While I have known for quite a while that I have issues with liquor, this book made me go up against them. however strangely support me to acknowledge I am not the only one. Several problems in my life caused my misuse of alcohol and the usual reasons such as hereditary factors, and indiscipline does not feature. Growing up was intense - my dad was a serial con artist, my mom had no self regard and overweight, disliked me was left to fight for myself more often than not. Inwardly, I was totally free.
It was really odd that I never drank when I was in high school And Luckily at that time I can attend a prestigious school that proud on its student's academic records'but the students there turned out really like having a party, they were party animals. And so began my journey into the excessive consumption of alcohol and subsequent negative activity - ranging from loss of consciousness to terrible hangovers to improper sexual behaviours.
I came to understand that the only way for a corpulent young woman to have a sexual relation was to be intoxicated the same way as the boys.
On one particular occasion, I found myself in bed with a random guy naked, and this happened when I was in Canada; Many times I ponder over this incident thinking how astonishing it is that I never got pregnant, injured or infected with any sexually transmitted diseases or worse still dead.
Life went on - I became a registered nurse, received a masters degree and went out with a great companion. We drank wine on weekends when we were together and at times during the week I would buy a bottle for myself.
After that comes a moment when I got married, I got pregnant twice, both I had it when I completely abstained of alcohol. As I got older, the stress of taking care of my parents and my sick child while dealing with my partner's lack of interest and poor temperament altered my ritual of having wine leisurely to a more frequent consumption.
My husband got hooked on a local "brew-your-own" so we had cases and cases of wine'..and shortly a nightly custom to crack one or two'..Privately, I started combining my personal cocktails and having the glass concealed in my baking cupboard.
When I return home - and face the family mess, getting dinner, attempting to get ADHD kid to concentrate on homework while prying the other erratic of his iPod.....I can just consider blending that drink....which I continue refilling until in the long run I nod off or go out. In the mornings, first thing I carry out is examine my I-phone to observe whom I may have unknowingly texted while drunk.
Well there's more to it - one time I involved in forbidden relationship with a guy whose a father to my son's friend, the relationship was very intensely emotional, he got me hooked. Luckily although I was in a very intense emotional affair with him, it never got physical, maybe a few hugs or being close with him occasionally at sport events, maybe you know the feels because I felt it was romantic, very intense and impacted my life drastically, but still luckily it never got physical Every time there was a message from him, I got this rush of feelings. I was very hooked on him, we often had late night chat secretly, even while we were at work, but mostly when it was in the middle of the night, he always kept me companion.
I was content at this high point in my life. Soon the affair began to get intimate and suddenly out of the blues he ended it. I was very devastated, it was impacted me really hard and it increasing my drinking habit' I have been grieving the loss at that time.
My cocktails comforted me they assisted the infliction.
I am so embarrassed as I think back over my life. Series of my drunken journey:
Being completely drunk at a party last year.
Blind drunk at my sister's 50th birthday
Fuming messages on my iPhone
I shouted and screamed inappropriately in front of my kids
Hitting my fist at my husband in the face
When my son had a friend sleeping over I had a total scream and shout fight, but it only happened once.
I am in advising which has been an epiphany.....plus perusing Ann's book and now finding this site and perusing comparable stories. I feel that I finally got straight, ready to come home.